Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
