I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
apparently the secret to your success is patron
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
