Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
