HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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