so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
