I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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