She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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