thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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