when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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