I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize