I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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