the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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