Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
