dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
