The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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