I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
