paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Send help, water and tortillas.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You did what with his pubic hair?
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