We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
