I will die if light touches me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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