...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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