i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
