Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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