Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
