On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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