So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
