I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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