We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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