Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
