my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
