Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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