I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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