3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
time to smoke my breakfast
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize