There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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