I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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