My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
