1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
