i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
