what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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