dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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