Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You don't make any sense
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