somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
