I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
