You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
