Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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