Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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