There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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