we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
