all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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