I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
