Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
