i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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