Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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