i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
