This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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