Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize