im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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