i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
