She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
