My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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