it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
