he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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