That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
