Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
