For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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