Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
