do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
