you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
