You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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